A Conscious Journey Through Motherhood

As a child, I remember having a deep and sincere connection to Nature, to the Divine, to God, to Source Energy whatever you want to call the Creator of all things. Spending summer nights watching the sunset, the days running barefoot, climbing trees talking to the wind, immersed completely in the present moment that the innocence of childhood has to offer.

Like so many, I experienced a brief intermission, and disconnection with my truth, during my destructive, and dramatic adolescent years. Losing my integrity, devoid of values, and respect for myself and others, I allowed myself to be abused, dismissed and disrespected. But from this place of rage, self-pity, and self-loathing I found a glimpse of clarity. Using my highly visual mind, I began to visualize my future, becoming intimately aware of what it was that I desired in this life, what I longed to accomplish. It quickly became apparent that I couldn’t get what I wanted as long as I treated myself this way and allowed others to. This was the beginning of my boundary work. As soon as I started to say “no,” the flood gates of possibility opened up, drenching me in encouragement to go out and claim my right to be happy.

The Flood Gates Open

My life partner and lover was placed serendipitously onto my path in 2004. Love drunk, and infatuated we started our relationship, with the intuitive “knowing” that this was something special, something authentic and real when everything else was so fake. We found safety and security in our love, which allowed us to explore a deep and meaningful connection for the first time.

I was propelled back on my spiritual journey with the birth of my first child in 2009, where I became acutely aware of the importance of health and nutrition in a very chronically ill society, where all our food is processed and our environments toxic. I ventured into endurance running and plant-based

eating that would lead me down a path of awakening where I started to question everything I was ever taught, so I could make conscious, informed choices for my now two young daughters.

Rock Bottom

My self-love practices and ever-expanding holistic views deepened, and in 2014, I was blessed with twins who initiated me further into the depths of this awakening. Plunging me into the deepest, darkest places of myself, were fear, shame and guilt had nowhere left to hide, my presence with these emotions would birth an awakening, a spark of beautiful humility that I had never embodied before their birth. I recall praying, pleading on my knees for help, for relief. I spent many nights broken, & weeping on the bathroom floor, bathed in uncertainty, feeling like I was not going to make it through.

Let everything go, as if it was already gone.

Here I learned to release control. To let everything go, as if it was already gone. I was holding everything together so tightly, trying to do everything perfectly, trying to be everything for everyone, it just wasn't working anymore, in this state of depression, isolation, I turned to alcohol for relief, as a means to numb the pain, to quiet the fear that I was failing to live the dream life I longed for, failing to manage, failing to cope.

I moved through many stages of highs and lows in those early years, and as the clouds of exhaustion parted I could see the lessons that my children were imparting. My children are my greatest teachers, they have shown me how strong I am, that what I'm capable of is far beyond the limitations I had set for myself!

I began to embrace motherhood as a right of passage, a sacred spiritual journey that could heal my inner child, reconnect me with my true essence, my soul, who was longing to be loved and recognized.
The experience of maternal love & protection was so innate & intense, that I was able to stand strong in my values & beliefs around conscious parenting, following attachment parenting theory, gentle and respectful treatment of my daughters has been so important. This longing to parent differently then I was, is a natural part of evolution, I stopped viewing my "rebellious" parenting as an act of disrespect, defiance, or shaming of my own parents. I gained this new-found confidence and was able to hold & create boundaries around how I parented my children, and how I expected others to treat them as well.

 The Yoga That  Birthed My Awareness

In my quest for space & time for self-love, I fell deeply in love with the practice of Kundalini yoga, where I continued to expand my awareness, and ignited a new level of spiritual connection. Once again, I witnessed how I began changing the way I interacted with my partner, with my kids, with the people I worked with. I started seeing my possessions, my home, nursing career, and the way I lived in a completely different light. This practiced changed.... Well...EVERYTHING!

Learning to honor myself was exactly what I needed at the time, experiencing my body, my sensuality, noticing what felt good, what didn't, and again creating a practice that was focused on pleasure. What felt good for me, was what I would continue to do more of, more often. Anything that didn't resonate, or felt wrong was now simply a "no." I had no idea what a radical & empowering change this would become, and how it would ripple into every aspect of my life in the years to come.
With time it became evident that I would need to share this practice with others. In 2018 was the year my children were old enough to allow me the space to give myself the deep reflective & contemplative time required to do such intensive training. I completed my 220hr teacher training in Camrose, Alberta with the highly esteemed Sat Dharam Kaur.

I founded Graceful Evolution with a mission to empower others, to strengthen and deepen their connection to their true essence, and to share the experiences Kundalini Yoga & Meditation has to offer, along with the knowledge & wisdom I have gained.

I continue to work as a nurse part-time, my 18 years of health care experience has been invaluable to me on this journey. If I had not seen and witnessed so much pain and suffering, then I might not have been able to see the truth & reality of our health care system, nor would I be motivated to

move into a new career where I can help people in the way I always intended. Which is to promote health & well-being, prevent disease, bring balance to physical & energetic body, facilitate healing, & spiritual re- connection

Continued Identity Breakdown

As my journey continued, I found myself in new territory, as my eldest two daughters’ transitioned from a holistic home education environment to a public-school environment.

Navigating a new phase, where connection and maintaining my role as the primary attachment figure becomes challenged in the face of new influences that don't match our values at home, where a deep meaningful connection is just as important as when they were infants.

From this transition, a new internal struggle immerged, I was faced with another identity crisis. Who am I? I have been submerged in the throes of motherhood, the daily grind of the early years for so long that I lost my ability to be alone with myself. I grieved for the loss of these years, where did they go?

I felt like I just finally gained the upper hand. Finally, mastered this phase of mothering babies, and now I don't have any babies, I have big kids, who are changing, challenging me to rise and change alongside them.

2020 for many has crushed anything not in alignment with where we are heading. Its not that we weren't in alignment before, its that 2020 is so vastly different that we all needed to change. My local classes tanked, workshops & retreats on hold, and I was abruptly redirected back to home-education, and forced to reevaluate the way I was teaching & offering classes. A reminder of our our impermenace, offering a clear view of where we may have be attached to certain ideas. Where we may have been grasping for control over our lives instead of trusting in this divine unfolding.

And Back to Surrender....

Moving through and learning the art of surrender has helped me immensely as I continue down this road, seeing lessons, and opportunities in every trigger, every outburst, every tear.
I take comfort in knowing that the wisdom & strength I have gained over the years has prepared me for the years to come, and I’m excited by the opportunity to experience whatever the Universe has in store for me.

The Birth of My Life's Work

From this space I realized it was time to expand my business, to really put myself out into the world and share my gifts. I have always served as a useful source of support for those seeking inspiration, help, or advice. I finally decided to own that role and be intentional about it as I expand my business to include coaching, mentoring, online training and immersion opportunities.

My Passion

Is to help those who are ready and willing to embrace & integrate life as a spiritual practice, reconnect with their true essence, and move through their awakening journey, but feel overwhelmed & depleted with the demands of everyday life. And struggle with balancing their needs and desires with societal structures.

If you are ready to look seriously at the box thats been created around you, and start to dismantle every belief system that has been holding you back from being the best version of themselves, I know I can help.

To connect with those who feel isolated from other like-minded people, truly longing to belong to a community of people who get it, who value the same authentic living practices that they do and are tired of going at it alone.

I'm here to help those who feel disconnected from their children, who are growing, & changing faster than you can keep track.
I'm here for those who find themselves grieving the loss of those early years, & perhaps the loss of identity that comes with those transitions.

My Mission,

is to empower people to move through their spiritual awakening with grace, and help them confidently manage their home environment, take charge of their lifestyle, gain energy, & freedom through full emotional embodiment, developing new practices, new perspectives, and new opportunities to connect or re-connect with their children, partner, mother nature and most importantly their true self.

I offer transformative private & group coaching opportunities, online courses, workshops, ceremonies, and retreats to those who are ready to recalim their power, tap into their authority, and those who are leading the next generation in a respectful & holistic way. Helping them to evolve gracefully and be the change they wish to see.

Love & Blessings 

April 2020